Play by Author Becky Due

152 YEARS OF HER LIFE

By Becky Due

Copyright © 2007 By Becky Due beckydue@msn.com PO Box 883 Loveland, CO 80539-0883 970-227-4916

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Cast of Characters

GRANDMA--- Seventy-four year old Grandmother. In a coma. (doesn’t have to be a real person)

MOM--- Fifty-two year old Mother.

JESSICA--- Twenty-six year old Daughter.

NURSE--- Slightly older than Jessica. Dressy/casual clothing.

ASSISTANT NURSE--- Slightly older than Mom. Nurse’s scrubs.

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Setting

Plain nursing home room. Bed in center with chairs on both sides facing bed. Long table to the left with: paper and pen, pot of coffee, an empty pop can, coffee cups, two flower arrangements, and a few magazines. A window above the table. Two doors to the right, one an exit, and the other, a bathroom. Drawings from Grandma’s great-grandchildren hang on the wall behind the bed.

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ACT ONE

Gradual opening, 8 minutes of no speaking. Grandma is lying in bed on side. Mom is sitting bedside paging through a magazine with Grandma’s back facing her. Jessica is sitting on other side of Grandma looking at her in sadness. Dim lighting. It is around 10:00 PM.

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Act 1

JESSICA

(Stares at Grandma, begins to cry) (Gently) You can go if you want to. We’ve all been here to see you Grandma and we know you’re suffering. Grandpa has spent a lot of time here with you. We all have. Grandpa will be OK. Mom will be OK. I’ll be OK. We’ll all be fine. (To Mom) Mom, tell her you’ll be OK if she wants to go.

MOM

(To Jessica) (Looking up from her magazine) Why are you doing this?

JESSICA

(Still Crying) (Deep concern) Mom, it’s been almost two weeks. No food. No water. Why is she still holding on? Why won’t she just go?

MOM

(Deep exhale) (Uncaring) She’s Stubborn.

JESSICA

(Frustrated) What?!

MOM

(Bitter) She wants us all to watch her suffer so we can feel guilty and suffer right along with her. It’s what she’s always done. Just another guilt trip. (Sarcastic laugh) She’s better than I thought!

JESSICA

(Disgusted) Ugh! Are you listening to yourself? Did you hear what you just said? (Deep exhale) Just forget it… (Pause) I want some time alone with her.

MOM

(Suddenly sincere) Are you all right?

JESSICA

(Frustrated) … I just want some time alone with Grandma.

MOM

OK. I’ll take a walk. I’ll be back soon.

JESSICA

(Watches Mom leave the room) (Turns back toward Grandma and brushes grandma’s hair with her finger tips) *Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (speaker system)

Grandma, you have spent your life taking care of us, your family… everybody. And now here I sit, wanting desperately to take care of you. I don’t know if we’re doing the right thing! (Panic) What if we’re not doing the right thing?!

JESSICA

(Stops brushing her hair with fingertips, gets closer to Grandma) Grandma, in case you didn’t hear me before, I don’t know if you know, but I want you to know. (Pause) Grandma, you had another stroke. This one was much worse. (Deep exhale) The doctors said you can’t recover from this one. They assured us that the swelling in your brain has caused brain damage and you’d be a vegetable if we kept you alive. We all know you wouldn’t want that. So the family decided to take you off all life support. We don’t know Grandma, we just don’t know.

*Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (speaker system)

Two weeks! It’s been almost two weeks! How can I believe we’re doing the right thing? God! God, please, are we doing the right thing? Give me a sign. Make the light flicker if we’re doing the right thing… (Jessica watches the lights… waiting) OK, if Mom walks back in the room in the next minute, I’ll know we need to put her back on life support and she’ll be OK. (Jessica watches the door) 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6…

JESSICA

(Faces Grandma again) Grandma, we love you so much. You haven’t been alone once, since it happened. Not even for one minute.

*Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (speaker system)

24… 25… 26… 27…

Mom doesn’t mean the things she says, she’s just scared. She doesn’t know how to deal with her feelings. (Jessica holds Grandma’s hand) Grandma, I know we made different choices in our lives, but I’ve always respected you. I know you had fewer options, opportunities than I have today.

*Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (speaker system)

52… 53… 54…

I’m just thankful that your toughness was passed down to Mom and then to me. I know you’ve always been up for the fight… but Grandma… it’s time to stop fighting. It’s time to rest. It’s time to close your eyes and go to sleep. All your work is done here, your kids are raised. Their kids are raised. You did a good job. No, you did a great job.

*Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (speaker system)

OK. It’s been well over a minute. Maybe God needs you in heaven.

MOM

(Enters room) (Gently) Honey, the nurse wants to check her.

NURSE

(Nurse enters)

JESSICA

(Startled) Oh, OK. (Stands, walks over by table, turns around to watch the nurse leaning against table)

MOM

(Mom stands in doorway)

NURSE

(Takes her temperature from ear) Her temperature is 102.8.

JESSICA

(Turns to write) What time is it?

NURSE and MOM

(Both Nurse and Mom check their watches)

MOM

10:20.

JESSICA

(Jessica writes down the time and Grandma’s temperature)

NURSE

(Takes blood pressure) Her blood pressure is 126 over 84. (Takes pulse) Her pulse rate is 80.

JESSICA

(Jessica writes it down then turns back to watch)

ASSISTANT NURSE

(Enters) How’s she doing?

MOM

(Steps aside to let Assistant Nurse by) Time to turn her?

ASSISTANT NURSE

(Walks to bedside) Yeah, I thought it would be a good time.

NURSE

I’ll be back in half an hour with her medication. (Exits)

MOM

(Moves over by Grandma to help. Standing on other side of bed so she doesn’t fall out)

ASSISTANT NURSE

(To Mom) Yes. You stand there and I’ll pull the sheet to flip her. (Pulls sheet. Grandma rolls over heavily to her back)

JESSICA

(Tired, yawning, irritated, leaning against the table to watch Mom and assistant Nurse tend to Grandma)

ASSISTANT NURSE

(Cleans out Grandma’s mouth with sponge toothbrush)

MOM

(Adjusts pillows beneath Grandma’s shoulders and head. Callous and cold without feeling, without care) (Talks to her face) There, how’s that Mom? (Sits next to her)

ASSISTANT NURSE

If you need anything, holler. (Exits)

MOM

We will. Thanks. (Watches Assistant Nurse leave)

JESSICA

(Moves to other side of bed to sit by Grandma watching Mom the whole time in confusion) Mom, did you know that this woman gave birth to you? You spent nine months completely protected by her, right here… (Stands and holds both hands above Grandma’s stomach) …inside her. How can you be so cold toward her? Especially right now! She’s defenseless! She can’t fight back, like you’re used to. She’s dying! Mom, half of you is her… and she’s dying.

MOM

(Uncaring, matter of fact) Yep! The bitter half!

JESSICA

(Stares at Mom shaking her head sadly agreeing) … and I’m half of you… (Looks down in sadness and walks over by window, looks out) It looks cold outside. I know it’s cold in here. (Pause) Is Grandpa coming back tonight?

MOM

We all told him not to. He’ll be back in the morning. He needs some rest.

JESSICA

He sure does. He’s not doing so good. I hope he’s OK. Has he made peace with this, with Grandma?

MOM

I think he has. The best he can. I think that’s why he decided it would be OK to go home tonight. Also to make peace with being alone in that house… without her.

JESSICA

I doubt he sleeps tonight. (Turns back to look out window, thinking) (Pause) Did Grandpa ever hit her?

MOM

(Upset) I’m not going to talk about this now!

JESSICA

(Turns to face Mom) (Desperate) Why? I think it’s the perfect time to talk about it. Did he? Did he hit her?

MOM

(Silent, briefly stares at Grandma, then Jessica) They hit each other.

JESSICA

(Chuckle) I knew it! (To Grandma) Always a fighter! Feisty and fearless, Grandma, you never let me down. (Pause, suddenly serious) Who was hurt more?

MOM

(Exhale, breaking down) Grandma.

JESSICA

(Sadly, to Grandma) I knew that too. (Jessica sits back down by Grandma. Looks at Mom) Did you fight back with Dad?

MOM

At first, I guess.

JESSICA

Yeah, I think I did at first too. (Searching for words to keep Mom talking) How long did you stay with Dad?

MOM

Hm, about five years.

JESSICA

Isn’t that odd? I stayed two and a half with my ex. Half as long as you and I’m exactly half your age.

MOM

(Looking up, thinking, counting) Yes, you are. I didn’t realize that.

JESSICA

Maybe if I have a daughter, she’ll only stay a year and three months and her daughter… well maybe her daughter will never have to leave at all!

MOM

Or maybe she’ll be smart and avoid them all together. (Shares a smile with Jessica)

JESSICA

Nah, she’ll just do a good job picking… things will be different for her.

MOM

You still have a chance. You’re young, no kids, you still have a chance to pick a good one.

JESSICA

Why do you think Grandma stayed?

MOM

(Shrugs)

JESSICA

(Reaches for Grandma’s hand) I know why… times were different then.

MOM

(Snaps) Well, it wasn’t easy for me either!

JESSICA

I know, Mom. I remember your struggles. But you made it seem easy. I remember you driving from bank to bank trying to get a loan so you could expand your business. They wouldn’t consider it without a man’s signature. I remember that you couldn’t get a credit card because you weren’t married. How could you stand it?

MOM

(Shrugs) It’s just the way it was.

JESSICA

Mom, you built a hundred-thousand-dollar business from scratch. By yourself… but it didn’t matter did it?

MOM

(Beat) No, it didn’t.

JESSICA

Because you’re a woman. How did that feel?

MOM

I didn’t feel. I argued a lot. But I just kept moving forward. I found ways… (Pause) (Deviant smile to Jessica) I found men to co-sign. JESSICA

(Tries to hide smile) Well, however you did it, thank you. I have my own Visa and I can get a loan with out a male co-signer, without a man. You helped make things better for me.

MOM

(Stands, stretches, lifts covers off grandma’s legs. Starts rubbing them) Hand me that lotion.

JESSICA

(Hands lotion to Mom, stands to look) How do they look?

MOM

Dry. The color is starting to move into her legs. (Rubs lotion on them) She’s so thin. Her skin is hanging off her. Look at her face; it’s so sunk in. Grandpa has a hard time looking at her. (Pause) (Gentle) I wish she would close her eyes.

JESSICA

I know. It’s like looking into her soul of pain and suffering, not just from this but her whole life. (Silence) Do you think Grandma knows what’s going on? Do you think she knows she’s dying?

MOM

Shh! (Pause, beat) The doctors say she doesn’t. (Hands lotion back to Jessica, covers Grandma’s legs, sits back down)

JESSICA

(Set’s lotion down on night stand, sits) I think she knows. I think she’s waiting for something. A closing. Has everyone been here to see her?

MOM

Yes, everyone. (Silence)

JESSICA

(Holds Grandma’s hand) What if Grandma had a secret lover, a man who pampered her and put her needs in front of his own? Someone unlike Grandpa.

MOM

She wouldn’t do that.

JESSICA

I know. But what if she did. Maybe then the two of you would have gotten along.

MOM

(Snaps) Now what’s that supposed to mean?

JESSICA

(Beat) Nothing. Wouldn’t it be romantic if an older man would come walking through that door. (Points to door) With flowers, crying. He walks up to us and asks if he can be alone with her. As we leave, we watch him take her hand and gently kiss it like a true gentleman who truly loved her. Someone who cared when she was cold, asked nothing of her when she was tired. Someone who cooked for her once in a while, and loved her company, her sense on humor. Someone who got to see her silly side, because she was safe enough to show it.

MOM

(Snotty) Grandma didn’t have a sense of humor or a silly side.

JESSICA

(Big grin) Oh my God. How can you say that? She’s hilarious!

MOM

We’re not talking about he same person. (Pause) If anyone should have had an affair, it’s Grandpa.

JESSICA

Ya know Mom, there was a time I believed everything you told me about Grandma being a nag, always after Grandpa. But everything changed when I was 14 years old. I was sitting in the back seat, Grandpa was driving and Grandma was in the front passenger seat. He had the air conditioner blaring. Grandma said she was cold; I was cold too. Grandpa was wearing a jacket Grandma and I were not. OK he said all chipper and turned the knob down one notch. Which of course does nothing. She said she was cold again and asked him to please turn the air off. He started whistling and turned the knob down one more notch. (Acts out driving, whistling and turning the knob down) Grandma became angry and asked him to take off his jacket. He just kept whistling pretending he didn’t hear her, but I could tell he just didn’t care. She quit asking, folded her arms in front of her for warmth and stared out the window… maybe daydreaming about her lover.

MOM

(Snaps) Grandpa loves her!

JESSICA

(Angry) Yeah, like a work horse!

MOM

(Upset) Don’t say that in front of her!

JESSICA

She’s not stupid! She knows! (Suddenly aware of what Mom said) You do believe she knows what’s going on around her.

(Silence)

MOM

She almost left him after her first stroke, ten years ago.

JESSICA

(Surprised, concerned) You’re kidding me?

MOM

No, I felt sorry for Grandpa. He was there for her all during her recovery and then when she was doing better she wanted a divorce.

JESSICA

(Angry) So what! Grandma’s been taking care of him since the day they married. Maybe because she was so close to death she finally realized she wanted better, more out of the rest of her life.

MOM

(Defeated) Well Grandpa did start treating her better, that’s why she stayed.

JESSICA

(Stands and kisses Grandma’s forehead) Good for you Grandma. (Stands straight, stretches) I remember. That’s when I loved them together. That’s when he reminded me of who she should have been with all along. They always held hands. He was attentive. I’m glad Grandma put her foot down. And I’m glad Grandpa realized what he had in her. (Walks toward bathroom) I have to go to the bathroom. (Exit’s through bathroom door)

MOM

(Sitting there alone as if Grandma isn’t there. Cold. Callous. Does not look at her. Looks at her fingernails, pulls a hair off her shirt. Stands. Walks to table. Pours coffee, take a sip. Opens magazine, pages through it)

*Eves drop on Mom’s thoughts (Speaker system)

Jessica just doesn’t know. She thinks she knows it all, has it all figured out. Just like all the young people. She hasn’t been around long enough to know how things are. She doesn’t have the history and she doesn’t have the facts.

JESSICA

(Comes out of the bathroom, tucking in shirt) Is the coffee still hot?

MOM

Not really.

JESSICA

Want me to go get some more?

MOM

No. I’ll go. And I’ll find the nurse so she can give her her medication. (Grabs the Pot and exits)

JESSICA

(Sits back down by Grandma, holding her hand and rubbing her arm with other hand) *Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts. (Speaker system)

God, Grandma, I love you so much. I wish Mom knew you better or at least understood you. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but it’s a shame. You’re such great women. (Yawn) It’s getting late. It must be around 11 now. Mom went to get the nurse and your medication. I hope you’re not in pain. (Starts crying) Grandma GO! Please just go! God… (Looks down, looks back up, stands and adjusts the pillow under her shoulder) (Talks Louder to Grandma) Grandma, give me a sign. I can… I could take this pillow (Puts hands on pillow) And help you go if that’s what you want, if you’re in pain. Please. Grandma, can you hear me? Grandma, please blink your eyes if you can hear me. (Waits, watches) If you want me to help you, please move a finger. (Watches hands) Grandma, do you want me to help you go? Just move something, anything if you want me to help you go. I’ll do it Grandma. I’ll do it for you. (Carefully watching for movement) (Silence in waiting, hovering over her, watching closely)

MOM

(Enters room with coffee pot) The nurse will be right in. (She walks past foot of bed to the table. Grandma’s eyes follow her)

JESSICA

Oh my God! (Quick and panicking) (Looks at Mom then back to Grandma and back to Mom) Oh my God! (Looks back to Grandma then to Mom) (Uncontrollable crying) Mom, she’s watching you! Grandma’s eyes followed you!

MOM

(Turns from table) What?!

JESSICA

(Hysterical, panic) Oh my God! She’s back! Mom! We’re killing her! Get the Nurse! Hook up her IV! She needs food! Mom! MOM

(Rushes over to look at Grandma, they look into each other’s eyes) Mom! Mom, can you hear me?

JESSICA

Mom her eyes followed you when you came in! Oh my God! Mom! Where’s the nurse! Grandma I’m sorry!

MOM

Mom, can you look at Jessica. Mom, look at Jess.

NURSE

(Casually enters carrying tray) Is everything OK in here?

MOM

(In slight Panic) No. Jessica said her eyes followed me as I walked into the room. She’s looking at me. Please check her? (Moves to foot of the bed. Again Grandma’s eyes follow her and for the first time Mom starts to cry)

JESSICA

(Still crying and looking back and forth from Grandma to Mom)

NURSE

(To Grandma) Can you hear me? Can you…

JESSICA

(Interrupts, angry yet hopeful) See I told you! We need to hook her up to IV. She’s going to come out of it! She’s going to be OK!

NURSE

I can call the doctor, but I assure you any movement is involuntary. She has so much brain damage from the swelling that even if she lived she would never be able to take care of herself. Let me give her the meds then I will try to get a hold of the Doctor if you would like.

JESSICA

Don’t try to get a hold of the Doctor, Get a hold of the Doctor!

NURSE

OK.

JESSICA

Maybe the swelling has gone down and things are starting to work normally again. Maybe we need more tests.

NURSE

I assure you…

JESSICA

(Crying frantically) Is this what the insurance company tells you to say? They don’t want to pay the cost of more tests and rehabilitation, so they tell you to let the patient die?!

MOM

(Walks over to Jessica to calm her, hugs her and they cry together)

NURSE

I can see you’re upset; I’ll get the doctor on the phone. (Exits)

MOM

(Breaks hug with Jessica and stands next to Grandma)

JESSICA

(Walks to other side of bed next to Grandma) We’re here Grandma. We’re here.

Lights Go Out

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Lights Back On

(Mom is alone in room, next to Grandma. Now Grandma is turned facing Mom. Mom is warming up to Grandma.)

MOM

Mom, Jessica’s talking to the doctor right now. She’ll be back in a few minutes. You have quite a granddaughter there, she loves you a lot.

JESSICA

(Walks in quietly)

MOM

I guess she’s seen another side of you, a side you’ve never shown me.

JESSICA

(Gently) Or a side you’ve never allowed yourself to see.

MOM

(Turns, startled) Maybe. What did the doctor say?

JESSICA

The nurse was right. He assured me she’s had too much brain damage. (Silence) I just wish I knew. I wish I understood. I wish I was a doctor. I mean, why did her eyes follow you?

MOM

I talked to the nurse. She said it could have been the color of my shirt that attracted her or just the movement alone. But Grandma doesn’t even know she did it. (Sadly) So maybe in some ways she’s already dead.

JESSICA

No she’s not! (Fighting tears)

(Silence)

I feel so stupid right now. I’m trying to find meaning in all of this. I don’t understand what’s going on. Are we screwing up? I understand that Grandma wouldn’t want to live if she couldn’t take care of herself. But what about when you’re really faced with death, isn’t it natural for us to fight for our lives? When people find out they have Cancer or a terminal illness don’t they go to extreme measures to stay alive as long as they can?

MOM

Some yes, but what about Dr. Kevorkian?

JESSICA

Good point, but those people are suffering.

MOM

Do you think Grandma is suffering?

JESSICA

Emotionally or physically?

MOM

You know what I mean.

JESSICA

Well, I think if she is suffering it’s more emotionally than physically. I always hope our bodies can block out the physical pain. But it’s that emotional pain that I wonder about. People always say thing like, when you’re lying on your death bed, will you have regrets. Did we make the right choices? Did we follow our dreams? I hope Grandma has no regrets. I hope she’s in peace right now, she deserves to be. I think she did the best she could with the hand she was dealt.

MOM

Grandma isn’t the saint you think she is. She’s not perfect. I’m sure she has regrets.

JESSICA

I know, Mom. I just hope she’s OK with her life. (Pause) Maybe she regrets not getting along better with you.

MOM

Do you have regrets?

JESSICA

I had regrets, but I’m trying to make everything right. I feel pretty good about myself today. How about you?

MOM

I have tons of regrets. I made lots of mistakes. I wonder what kind of pain I’ll be in on my death bed. (Pause) I guess we won’t know until it’s our time to go.

JESSICA

I think you did better than you give yourself credit for.

MOM

Yeah, like Grandma. (Sarcastic laugh) Jessica, Grandma was a bitter old lady who couldn’t wait to die.

JESSICA

You’re wrong!

MOM

No, I’m not. Remember what she gave you around the time you lived with her, about five years ago?

JESSICA

No. What?

MOM

You know, that poem she wanted at her funeral? She was thinking about it then.

JESSICA

That doesn’t mean anything. She liked the Poem. Besides, don’t we all think about it?

MOM

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you held onto it. One less decision we have to make for her funeral. But the words of that poem… to sum it up… don’t be sad for me because this is what I wanted.

JESSICA

I wonder what would happen if you stopped trying to analyze her and just tried to love her. She had a hard life. And if that’s the poem she wanted…

MOM

(Angry, interrupting) I had a hard life! Who the hell hasn’t had a hard life?! Her life wasn’t any harder than mine, or yours.

JESSICA

Yes, Mom, harder than yours and a lot harder than mine. She had no choices.

MOM

Grandma had help raising us. I had no help raising you four.

JESSICA

(Agreeing) I’m sorry. You’re right Mom, you had it hard too. (Pause) Nobody would know it. You did a good job covering it up. (Smiling) You’re kind of tough, Mom.

MOM

You’re kind of tough, too. Just ask the Nurse.

JESSICA

I apologized to her, you know. I kind of got after her, didn’t I?

MOM

You apologized? What did she say?

JESSICA

She gave me a hug. She said she understood and could see how much I loved Grandma.

MOM

Hmm.

JESSICA

Have you ever thought about the power of apology?

MOM

What do you mean?

JESSICA

Oh, that’s right, you wouldn’t. (Giggles to self) I’m just kidding.

MOM

No. What did you mean by that?

JESSICA

Well, it’s just that I don’t ever remember you apologizing.

MOM

For what? JESSICA

For anything.

MOM

Oh, that’s ridiculous. I have too.

JESSICA

No, you don’t apologize. We’ve all talked about it.

MOM

(Feisty) Is this attack Mom hour? Are you the spokes person for your sisters?

JESSICA

(Laughing at her feistiness) No. I was just curious if I was the only one you didn’t apologize to, so I asked them. I’m not saying you’ve never felt like you’ve done something wrong or made a mistake. I know you have, you’ve said so. But I don’t remember you ever saying the words, ‘I’m sorry’ (Interrupting herself) I didn’t even want to get into this; I’m just saying that there is a lot of power in apology. That’s all I wanted to say.

MOM

Yes, I’m sure there is.

JESSICA

Look at my choices; I could have stayed angry at that nurse and never spoken another word to her. I could have been bitter and rude to her the rest of her shift. But I made everything all right again by saying two simple words. “I’m sorry.” MOM

I’m sure she’s dealt with a lot worse. But it’s nice that you apologized. I’m sure she appreciates it.

JESSICA

Well maybe it wasn’t a big deal to her, but it is to me. By yelling at her I lost control, but by apologizing, I got it back. (Pause) Never mind.

MOM

I know what you’re doing. I know you want me to apologize to Grandma. But I have nothing to apologize for.

JESSICA

I don’t know what I’m trying to do or get you to do. I just remember that I never used to apologize. I didn’t want anything to be my fault. (Pause) I remember when all of that changed. I’m not sure why I apologized or even how I learned to apologize but I did and the feeling was incredible. It felt so good, that I started apologizing every chance I got. (Starts giggling) I probably did things to hurt people just so I could apologize. Crazy. It finally did balance out. Now I try to avoid hurting others, but I say I’m sorry when I mess up.

MOM

Yeah, well, I wish your Grandmother would have learned that, and apologized to me.

JESSICA

Would it have done any good?

MOM

I’m sure it would have. I’m just not sure why things were so bad between us. I’m just not sure. (Pause) I’m going to get out of here for a little while.

JESSICA

Maybe we both should so her secret lover can see her. Maybe he’s been waiting and watching and hoping we’ll leave her alone, just long enough for him to come in and say good-bye to his love. She might be waiting and hoping and praying that she will have a chance to say good-bye to him. Maybe that’s what she’s waiting for.

MOM

There’s a song like that.

JESSICA

Like what?

MOM

Something about waiting and hoping and praying that he’ll put that ring on your finger. (Giggles)

JESSICA

I think I’ve heard it.

MOM

Yes, and how we should always look pretty and dress pretty so he’ll put that ring on our finger.

JESSICA

An old song no doubt.

MOM

Yes, a song from my time.

JESSICA

(Looks at Grandma, puts her hand on Grandma’s forehead) She’s warm, hot.

MOM

(Reaches over also feels Grandma’s forehead) Yes, she is.

JESSICA

Are we supposed to call the family if we think the time is getting close?

MOM

No. They said not to.

JESSICA

I guess everyone has made their peace. (Pause) Do you think she’s getting close?

MOM

I don’t know. I’ve thought so, many times in the past week. (Beat) But she’s still hanging on.

JESSICA

Mom, (Pause) I’ve thought about killing her.

MOM

(Unaffected) So have I.

JESSICA

You have?!

MOM

Yes. With a pillow over her face.

JESSICA

Why?

MOM

I don’t want her to be in pain. I don’t want her to suffer.

JESSICA

(Begins to cry) You do love her don’t you?

MOM

Love? Hate? (Shrugs, Pause) Yes, I love her. She’s my mother.

JESSICA

It would be a shame if that’s the only reason. Remember not long after I left my husband, we stopped talking. You wanted me to go back to him.

MOM

I didn’t want you to have a hard life like mine.

JESSICA

Yes, I know Mom, but my life would have been much harder if I had stayed with him.

MOM

You don’t know that. In time you could have worked things out.

JESSICA

Life is too short. I didn’t want to take time. Anyway, during that time I started going to a counselor. I was so confused about everything; you, my husband, my future…

MOM

Well…

JESSICA

Mom, she told me I didn’t have to talk to you ever again for the rest of my life. (Pause) Suddenly this weight lifted off me. Just like that! (Snaps her fingers) She told me there were no laws written that I had to love you or like you or talk to you just because you gave birth to me.

MOM

(Angry, hurt) I raised you! Alone!

JESSICA

(Unaffected) I know. She told me I didn’t owe you anything for it. She said you couldn’t force me to do anything and I didn’t have to be your friend just because you’re my mother. Because I was an adult, you had no control over me.

MOM

(Sarcastic) Yep, just like me and your Grandmother, I don’t have to like her.

JESSICA

(Ignoring Mom’s statement) Well, I took some time apart from you, almost a year. I can’t tell you how good that was for me. (Giggles) I got out from under your spell. (Pause) I had felt so controlled by you. If I had continued talking to you I might have gone back to my ex. In that time away from you, I figured things out, regained my strength and rebuilt my self-esteem. After that I realized one thing, I missed you. I missed having you in my life.

MOM

I…

JESSICA

I really like you, Mom. I really do. I think you are a great woman, and I’m glad I figured that out.

MOM

(Sincerely) Well. I remember that and I missed you too.

JESSICA

(Teasing) I know Mom. I’m your favorite daughter aren’t I? (Smiles)

MOM

(Smiles Back)

JESSICA

So what ever happened with you and Grandma?

MOM

(Beat) I don’t know.

JESSICA

You must have some idea.

MOM

She’s always treated me different. I guess I always assumed it was because I was the middle child.

JESSICA

(Looking up to ceiling) (Teasing) OK. Here we go!

MOM

The middle child has it hard.

JESSICA

(Teasing) Maybe it’s because you were a trouble maker.

MOM

No more than the others.

JESSICA

You mean no more than your big brother. But you were more trouble than your little sister.

MOM

Well, Yes.

JESSICA

(Teasing) You’re a girl, Mom. You’re not supposed to be trouble. Didn’t you know that? If you were male, it would have been OK. But you’re a girl.

MOM

I was just trying to keep up with the boys.

JESSICA

And that’s what I love about you! (Pause) (Stands, stretches) I’m hungry.

MOM

(Snaps) Don’t say that in front of her!

JESSICA

Let’s go far a walk and I’ll get something from the machine.

MOM

So her lover can come in and say good-bye. (Playing along)

JESSICA

Yes. (Smiles to Mom) We’ll be right back Grandma. (Mom gets up, stretches and silently says good-bye to Grandma. They exit.)

Lights stay on. Suddenly door slowly begins to open then closes again. Then opens slowly again. Walking in backward, as if sneaking, bent over like an old man. The audience should be under the impression that it’s Grandma’s secret lover, but it’s really the Assistant Nurse in her street coat and hat. She’s pulling a cart and leaves it in the door, door stays open. The nurse turns and walks in takes off her coat and begins to brush Grandma’s teeth and turns her to her side again. Grabs coat and hat then exits.

End of Act 1

____________________

Act 2

JESSICA

(Alone with Grandma. Holding her hand and resting her head on Grandma’s pillow next to her face) Was he here? Did he come? (Pause) I know that isn’t it. I know you didn’t have a lover. I know you and Grandpa love each other very much. I know what you’re waiting for. I knew it when your desperate eyes watched her. I know you have something to say to her. I know you do and I know she has something to say to you, too. Grandma I’m trying to help. (Silence, stares at her) Grandma, after you go will you come back and tell me about it, about your journey, even if it’s in a dream?

*Eves drop on Jessica’s thoughts (Speaker system)

Grandma, I want to know everything. I want to know if you were in pain. I want to know if you heard us talking, if you knew we were here. I want to know if we made a mistake. I want to know if there is a heaven. I want to know about God. I want to know if your spirit has a body. If you stay with us on earth. What you do all day? Is there such thing as time? But I mostly want to know that you’re happy, that you’re OK.

MOM

(Mom walks in) JESSICA

(Jessica turns to look at Mom) Here Mom, why don’t you sit here. (Stands up to give Mom chair next to Grandma)

MOM

No, this is fine. (Pointing and walking to other chair toward Grandma’s back)

JESSICA

No Mom, sit here. I think Grandma wants you to.

MOM

(Gives Jessica a disapproving look, and takes a seat in Jessica’s chair) (She looks at Grandma) How are you feeling? (She rubs Grandma’s forearm) Mom, you’re going to be fine.

JESSICA

She’s dying! Why don’t you tell her the truth!

MOM

Jessica!

JESSICA

What!? She’ll still be fine. She’s just moving on.

MOM

(Staring at Grandma wanting to protect her) Don’t upset her!

JESSICA

You think she doesn’t know? I think she’s more upset at you for lying to her. I’ve been telling her the truth all along. If she can hear us and understand, she knows. MOM

(Still staring at Grandma) I don’t think it’s right.

JESSICA

Well, if I were dying, I’d want to know, so I could make peace with it in some way. I guess I’d trust that you all were doing what you thought was best for me. (Pause) We’re doing what’s best aren’t we Mom?

MOM

(Beat, lowers and shakes her head) I don’t know… I don’t know… (Mom begins to cry)

JESSICA

(Jessica also begins to cry) Mom, do you want some time alone with her?

MOM

I don’t know.

JESSICA

Maybe you should talk to her, Mom. (Pause) I don’t think she’s waiting for a secret lover. I think she’s wait on you, I think she’s waiting for you.

MOM

For what? Why?

JESSICA

I don’t know, Mom. Maybe she wants to apologize to you. Maybe she’s fighting for life for the chance to talk you again, to apologize and explain why she’s been jealous of you. Maybe she just wants you to know that she loves you.

MOM

Jealous of me?!

JESSICA

Mom, don’t you ever stop and think that maybe she was jealous of you for leaving your husband and making a better life for yourself?

MOM

No, Jessica. She always thought I was wrong for leaving because of you girls.

JESSICA

Maybe that’s what she said but…

MOM

No, that’s it! I never should have left your father.

JESSICA

Do you have any idea what your leaving did for me?! You helped ME leave!

MOM

I made it too easy for you to leave. Maybe you should have stayed and fought.

JESSICA

(Very upset, losing cool) FOUGHT?! (Starts crying) That’s all we ever did is fought. I should have stayed?! See this… above my lip? (Jessica moves her face closer to Mom, pointing) Do you know what it is? It’s a scar! He was getting ready to go to work, I was still in bed because I had the day off. He stood in our bedroom doorway while I asked him if he would take the car so I could take the truck because I wanted to move a few things. Before I knew what happened I was lying on my back with blood running from my mouth. He had thrown his huge set of keys as hard as he could at my face. I cried while he apologized. He got ice for my lip and cleaned up my blood and tears. (Pause) Oh, and he left the truck for me to use that day. But I was so humiliated and embarrassed by my bruised fat lip and cut, that I didn’t leave the house. And you think I should have stayed?!

MOM

I’ve already heard about that.

JESSICA

Yes, I know. But you seem to think that it wasn’t that bad. You think I should have stayed with him.

MOM

I just think that maybe…

JESSICA

You know, it’s not the abuse as much as it’s the aftermath of the abuse. It was what he said to me though his actions. It was the humiliation of what he did to me. It was my self-esteem traumatized after every episode. It was the effect of the abuse that caused me to become paralyzed in my life.

MOM

I understand what you are saying, but you weren’t paralyzed. You left.

JESSICA

Yes. I left. But I’m still stuck in ways that I shouldn’t be. I still struggle with doubts about myself. And every morning when I’m putting on my makeup, I see that scar on my lip. I’m reminded how I let somebody treat me. Everyday, I’m reminded.

MOM

Grandma stayed. She doesn’t get hit anymore and she’s not alone. They’ve been married over fifty years. That’s what I wanted.

JESSICA

That’s what I wanted, too.

MOM

Jessica, she’s not dying alone. I’m going to die alone.

JESSICA

We all die alone! We’re born alone! We live alone! And we die alone!

MOM

Now who’s bitter?

JESSICA

I’m not bitter, I just resent you telling me I should have stayed and fought.

MOM

Well maybe it’s different because you didn’t have kids.

JESSICA

What does that have to do with anything?

MOM

It’s different when you have kids.

JESSICA

I know it is, but it shouldn’t be the reason to stay. MOM

It’s scarier to leave with kids. That’s why Grandma didn’t leave.

JESSICA

It’s not because of you kids; it’s not the way you make it sound. It’s because she couldn’t leave. How could she?

MOM

She said she couldn’t leave because of us kids. I’m sure she was afraid. Who would want her? To be divorced is one thing, but to be divorced with children is a whole other story.

JESSICA

Damaged good? And Grandma would have needed a man too. Could she have supported herself and three kids?

MOM

No.

JESSICA

And do you feel guilty?

MOM

For what?

JESSICA

If you hadn’t been born, she could have found a better man. But because you kids were born, she had to stay with someone who hit her.

MOM

(Gives Jessica a questioning look)

JESSICA

Well I have guilt because you’re alone.

MOM

Why?

JESSICA

Because I’ve heard you cry yourself to sleep. I’ve heard the love in your voice when you’ve talked to men you’ve cared about. And I’ve heard you say that you wouldn’t remarry until your children were grown. You said you didn’t want another man raising your kids. (Pause) Mom, how many marriage proposals have you had over the years? Six? Eight?

MOM

I Guess.

JESSICA

I’m grown and I’ve been out of the house now for almost ten years. And you’re still single. So I now know it’s not my fault. Just like you, Grandma said she couldn’t leave because you kids. Well you’ve been out of the house for a very long time. She could have left ten years ago after her first stroke. She could have left twenty-years ago. (Pause) Why did she stay? Is it because she loves Grandpa?

MOM

I don’t know why. But they do love each other. So you thought it was your fault I didn’t remarried?

JESSICA

Yeah, I did. I sometimes still do.

MOM

Jessica, I chose to stay alone.

JESSICA

Yeah, but why?

MOM

(Deep exhale) I don’t know. Maybe fear.

JESSICA

Fear of what?

MOM

Everything.

JESSICA

Mom, you’re the bravest person I know. What are you afraid of?

MOM

Love.

JESSICA

Love?

MOM

Yes, love and everything that comes with it. Trust.

JESSICA

Yeah, trust is a tough one.

MOM

What if I found out I didn’t deserve to be loved?

JESSICA

Mom, that’s crazy. You deserve the best. You deserve great love. Mom, you are such a good person.

MOM

(Looks at Grandma, talks to her) You hate me and she likes me. Can you explain that one to me, Mom? (Turns to Jessica) She probably hates me even more because you like me. She thinks it’s my fault you’re like me. I think you’re an adult and if you want to take my path, well…

JESSICA

I’m not taking your path… or Grandma’s. I’m making my own path. And my path consists of being happy. With or without a man in my life. But I do secretly hope to grow madly in love with a great man who truly loves me back.

MOM

Why haven’t you ever told me or asked me about seeing me sad and lonely?

JESSICA

I guess because you do such a great job covering it up, I don’t see it often. Plus I don’t want to ruin the fact that I think you are one of the funnest people I know. It isn’t just an act, is it?

MOM

Well, no. I love to have fun. (Smiles)

JESSICA

(Stands up and walks around room) I remember driving home with you one Saturday afternoon. We turned onto our street and you decided you wanted to take that corner at 35 mph. We went around the block probably ten times just so you could make that corner at that speed. It was a blast. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Or the time you asked me to go to the store for you to get you some napkins. So I went to Wal-Greens and bought you some pretty white and orange floral table napkins. I remember how hard we laughed because you wanted feminine napkins, for your period. I didn’t even know they were called napkins. Remember the snowstorms, whenever we had a blizzard, you’d say, come on lets go for a drive. So we’d bundle up, dig out the car and take off to get snacks and drive crazy.

MOM

(Giggles)

JESSICA

Just last month you called me and told me about how your feet were bothering you so you were asking everyone in your office to wait on you. When you finally went to the doctor, she told you that your foot problem was from lack of use. We laughed together. I laughed even harder when you made the comment that these were your golden years.

MOM

(Laughs a little more)

JESSICA

I could go on and on.

MOM

And how about you, are you happy?

JESSICA

Well, I know I don’t want to be kept in a cage or told how I have to live. I just want to be free to be happy. (Pause) I love life. I love to laugh. I love men. I love my friends and family. I love my job. I love my apartment. I love the city I live in. I don’t know, I just feel free and happy. I think I’ve watched and learned from you and Grandma. I’m single. I’m happy I’m not married anymore. The divorce was like a second chance to life, like being born again. I feel light, like I was released from a cage.

MOM

Will you ever get married again?

JESSICA

Who knows. It’s not even something I think about. I have enough going on right now in my life…

MOM

I hope you fall in love again.

JESSICA

I hope you fall in love again, too.

NURSE

(Enters) How are we doing in here? (Walks to Grandma’s side) How are you doing Jessica?

JESSICA

It’s still really hard, but I’m doing better. Thanks for your understanding.

NURSE

If you need to talk, I’ll be here.

JESSICA

Thanks

MOM

(Stands and moves over to table)

NURSE

(Checks Grandma’s temperature) It’s 104.1.

MOM

(Checks her watch, turns to write down Grandma’s temperature)

NURSE

(Takes pulse) Her pulse is 64. MOM

(Mom turns and writes it down, checks her watch, writes down time)

NURSE

(Takes her blood pressure) Blood pressure is 108 over 78.

MOM

(Mom turns and writes it down)

NURSE

(Turns to Mom then to Jessica) It’s getting close. If you need anything, I’ll be close by. (Exits)

JESSICA

(Looks sad at Mom) She keeps saying that doesn’t she?

MOM

Yes but maybe you should take some time alone with her now. I’ll wait in the hall. (Starts to head to the door to leave)

JESSICA

Maybe you should.

MOM

(Sits back down slowly, begins to cry) I don’t… I don’t know what to say.

JESSICA

Mom, you don’t have to say anything, just sit with her. Let her know you love her.

MOM

(Crying) I don’t know if I do.

JESSICA

Why?

MOM

I don’t know.

JESSICA

Mom she’s waiting for you. She wants to talk to you. Let her know you’re sorry, you forgive her.

MOM

Forgive her for what?

JESSICA

For what ever it is that has hurt your relationship. (Pause) OK. How about for her jealousy?

MOM

What If I’m the one who’s jealous?

JESSICA

Of what?

MOM

She’s had someone her whole life. She’s been married over fifty years.

JESSICA

Happily? (Pause) Well there. That’s great. The two of you have spent your lives being jealous of each other, you at her for staying and her at you for leaving.

MOM

It’s not that simple. I’m really hurt by the way I’ve been treated by her. Everyone thinks Grandma is so great. I don’t! How do you think it feels to call your mother on Mother’s Day and she says, “I’ll get your father?” That’s it! Not a thank you. Not even a five minute visit. She didn’t ask me how I was, she didn’t care! How do you think that feels?

JESSICA

I’d be really hurt.

MOM

Yes, and I am! Don’t think I haven’t tried. I’ve tried. I’ve spent my whole life trying! And I quit! I quit not long after her first stroke. I put my whole life on hold for two months for her. It wore me out. And just like you said, I didn’t have to like her or even talk to her. I quit my job. I lived with her to take care of her like a live in nurse. I drove her around. Did I get as much as a thank you? No. But I wanted to do it for her. I thought we’d get closer. I wanted a mother. I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to treat me better, but she never did. So I quit trying. I gave up. (Pause) And now you think I should forgive her or apologize or what ever… but I don’t know what I did that was so wrong in her eyes. (Pause) Maybe it’s ok for a daughter to disown her mother but is it OK for a mother to disown her daughter? Why didn’t she like me? Why didn’t she love me? (Turns to Grandma) Why, Mom? Why? (Mom starts to cry)

JESSICA

(Stands to leave) I’ll be out in the hall.

MOM

I can’t do this! I can’t!

JESSICA

Mom, you have to. Do it for you! You guys should have fixed this a long time ago… it’s not too late right now. And if you can’t, it won’t be too late in eight years either. You can do it when you have the strength. I think you have it now. Talk to her, Mom. I know she wants you to. (Leaves the room)

MOM

(Sits crying for minutes staring at Grandma) Why Mom? Why were you so mean to me? (Pause) Is Jessica right? Is it because I left and you stayed? I’ll let Jessica believe what she wants about you, how times were different and you couldn’t leave. You could have left. I worked three jobs to support my girls. You’re a miserable bitter person. And you passed it on to me. I would have loved to laugh with you about silly things we’ve done, shared secrets about men we’ve loved. (Pause) Why wouldn’t you let me in? Why did you always push me away? (Stands and looks out window)

*Eves drop on Mom’s thoughts (Speaker system)

Maybe we were just too much alike, maybe we clashed. And maybe you are jealous of me. I’ve had a good life. It’s been hard, but good. (Smiles) Very good. (Pause to think about life) But Mom, you’ve never been alone. You don’t know what it’s like to be alone. It hurts! It’s hard! Every night I crawl into bed alone. I have nobody to hold onto. Nobody to share my hard times with, my good times with. I’m a lone. (Pause) Dad has been here for you, with you, holding your hand, crying by your side. He loves you. He stays with you when everyone else wants to take off to get a bite to e… for what ever reason. He stays. We have to force him to go get some sleep and to take care of himself. He’s fallen asleep with his head on your pillow… (Pause) I know things have been hard for both of you, but you have each other. God, Mom, you’ve never been alone. You have never been alone. Jessica’s right, I have cried myself to sleep at night. I’m sorry she’s heard that. But… (Silence) Is it better than what I heard, When I was living under your roof? I don’t know. I don’t know. I thought I was doing the right thing. Leaving so the girls wouldn’t have to hear the same things that I had to hear. But now I guess they heard something else. Which was better me crying from loneliness or you crying from abuse? (Holds her hands over her ears) God that yelling. Things being broken. The terrible things being said to each other. That silence right before the hit. That quick stillness. That dreaded silence filled with fear. Then that sound of flesh hitting flesh. Oh God that sounds! (Buries her head in her own arms to avoid that sound) (Possible sounds of fighting in back ground) It has been permanently fixed in my memory. And then came that crying. That crying when it was over and you were left alone… (Pause, realizing what she just said) Left alone… you were left alone. (Pause) Left alone… Mom, you were alone… Maybe it was loneliness for you, too. Mom, were you alone? (Silence, begins crying) I hate you! I fucking hate you! Why Mom? Why did I have to hear that? Why did you let another human being treat you like that? You know what? I’ve cried myself to sleep for as long as I can remember. It started at home. It started because of you! (Pause) God I hate you! I hate you so much. I remember lying in bed wondering why you kept taking it. Why you didn’t run as fast as you could to get away from him. Then when my time came, I did it. I ran away from my husband. I didn’t want to put my kids through what I went through. I’ve questioned what I’d done over the years but I don’t anymore. None of my kids hate me the way I hate you. They may pity me for being alone, but they respect me, they like me. (Smiles, fighting tears) And you know what else? I like me too. Can you say that about yourself? (Silence) I’m sorry Mom. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the life you lived. I’m sorry you never left. I’m sorry if you have regrets. I’m sorry you didn’t beat the shit out of him a few times to set him straight. I’m sorry you didn’t get to travel like you wanted. I’m sorry Mom. (Pause) I’m sorry I didn’t love you more. I’m sorry I couldn’t see that that is what you needed most. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you, Mom. I do. I don’t hate you! I’m mad at you. I’ve always been mad at you. I’m selfish. I never thought about you. I never tried to understand you the way Jessica has. I held this anger close to my heart when I should have held you close to my heart. I’m sorry. I know you love me. I love you too. I pray you forgive me. I love you… please forgive me. (Stands over Grandma and gives her long hug, crying) I love you Mom. I’m so sorry. I missed you, Mom. I missed you so much. I love you.

JESSICA

(Quietly enters the room, sees Mom and Grandma and begins to cry)

MOM

(After a moment, notices Jessica and holds her arm out for her to join them. They cry together holding each other and Grandma) Thank you, Jessica.

JESSICA

I love you, Mom. (To Grandma) I love you, Grandma.

MOM

I love you too, Honey.

JESSICA

(Stands upright, wipes her eyes) How is she doing?

MOM

(Stands upright, wipes her eyes) Same.

JESSICA

How are you?

MOM

(To Jessica) I’ll be OK. (Pause) I do love her. I just wish we could have been closer. I wish we both would have let down our guard and let each other in.

JESSICA

Maybe you have now.

Mom, I wrote this poem for her while I was in the hallway. (Unfolds a piece of paper) Time is the silent whisper of breaking hearts. Grandma’s leaving us here. She’s been waiting to be sure we’re ready. And now peace has filled the last of us. She’s waving her wing to join the others who have been making up her room. They want it to be as perfect for her as the room she wanted for all of us. She was unable to decorate the way she had hoped, So she’s leading the way to heaven in plenty of time to have each of our rooms decorated perfectly. The angels will help her. She won’t be alone. She will fly easily in the scent of love she feels for all of us. She will fly happily in the scent of love we all have for her. (Jessica folds the paper back up and sets it on the table)

MOM

That’s beautiful, Jess.

JESSICA

Thanks. (Pause) Do you know what time it is?

MOM

(Checks her watch) Close to one. (Stands to look at Grandma’s legs. Covers her back up and sits down holding her hand) I love you Mom.

GRANDMA

(Grandma’s breathing becomes labored, a slight moaning with each breath)

MOM and JESSICA

(Sit still, each holding hands with Grandma and with each other across her legs, staring at her. Waiting)

GRANDMA

(Grandma’s breathing stops)

MOM and JESSICA

(Still. Staring. Waiting desperately for her next breath, it does not come)

Lights Fade Out